I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
