This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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