Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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