If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
