How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
