Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
