She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
