She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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