I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
id be glad to
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
