living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
