I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
