My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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