I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
