Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
