I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
