In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
