so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
