What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
