discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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