I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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