We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
