I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
