hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
