You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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