just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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