the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
