please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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