Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
