Midget sex pt 2 tonight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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