hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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