wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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