his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
