so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
