Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
