My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
