Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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