I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
