Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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