Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
