So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
