Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
