It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.