YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO