Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour