I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.