Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"