There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
