That's when you crack a 10am beer
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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