perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've blown a few things in my day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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