Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
