mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I supernannyed him into submission
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
