And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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