I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
