Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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