Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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