bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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