i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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