I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
