you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
