she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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