$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
