At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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