We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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