just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize