he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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