dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
