I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
