apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Text me some of your sweat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
