dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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