I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
