Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
please come you make the beer taste better
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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