Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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