Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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