he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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